For me, being a trans ally is actively supporting the transgender community in the public arena and not being ashamed to do so in any context.
How to be a Trans Ally
If you read articles on how to be a trans ally, you will find lots of advice on using the correct pronouns, not dead-naming, trying to understand the correct terminology and being willing to apologise when you get things wrong. All these points are good and highly recommended. However, these are all things that can be done largely in private or that can just be passed off as polite behaviour.
If I work in a café, I may call a transman 'Sir' because this is what is expected rather than because I support the transgender cause. If I work in a retail shop, I may help a transwoman try on and purchase a nice dress because I am happy to take their money rather than because I support the transgender cause. These things are no different to me serving a Muslim customer or having a Jewish friend, even though, as a lapsed Christian, I disagree with their faiths.
One great feature of Pride events in the United Kingdom (and other countries in the West) is the number of corporate sponsors. I am obviously delighted that companies are willing to part with their money to help run these fabulous events. At the same time, I think it is very hypocritical that in countries that are not pro-LGBT, such as countries in the Middle East, these same companies are strangely silent in LGBT support. For me, being a trans ally is actively supporting the transgender community in the public arena and not being ashamed to do so in any context.
As a member of a well-known transgender social networking site, I have lost count of the number of male 'admirers' who are very happy to visit members of the trans community in private but will not be seen out with a transwoman or crossdresser in public. What kind of support is that? It stinks of self-interest and shame.
Here are my recommendations to show you genuinely support the trans-community.
1. Go out with members of the trans-community
Go out with members of the trans-community in public, not just to trans-orientated events or to safe LGBT venues but out in general society. Do you invite your trans friends to the same events you invite your other friends to?
This weekend I met up with a transwoman at my favourite café in Sevenoaks, where I am a well-known customer. I also went to Brands Hatch race track and sat in the stands with a transman. And last week, I took four wonderful transwomen (one full-time and three occasional crossdressers) to a local hotel for afternoon tea, a hotel where I am a gym member. I also welcome members of the trans-community into my home in full view of the neighbours.
2. Go to pride events!
Go to pride events and maybe even go a step further and volunteer to help run a pride event: this could be running a stall, being marshall, or even being part of the organising committee. This summer, I organised the Transliving stall at four different pride events (including the big Sparkle celebration in Manchester).
3. Publicly show your support!
Do you publicly support the transgender community? Do you show your support on social media? I don't mean a separate social media account that you keep separate from the rest of your life; I mean your main social media account that your friends, family and colleagues can all view and see. Do you own and wear clothing that shows your support for the trans-community? For example, I have a trans-ally T-shirt and a branded Transliving hoodie with my name emblazoned on the back.
4. Campaign for Trans Rights!
Actively campaign for transgender rights. That doesn't mean you need to shout abuse at those who disagree; personally, I think this is counterproductive. I've seen pictures of demonstrations with masked individuals hurling insults at the other side; to me, this sends out a bad image to those who are still undecided. And why do they need to hide their faces? Are they ashamed? But do go on marches and demonstrations.
There are other practical actions you can take, too: for example, have you written to your Member of Parliament (or other elected representatives where you live)?
5. Vote with your feet!
Vote with your feet! If you belong to groups or frequent places that are anti-trans, stop! I've been excluded from my former church for having transgender friends and refusing to back down.
There'll be many other practical examples, but this is my recommendation of where to start.
Don't be ashamed to stand with the trans-community. They need our support now more than ever.